#one doesn't exist in a vacuum; there are outside factors that influence ones self-discovery

[vain-creature]

Because if they still feel that X makes you fundamentally broken, no amount of reassurance that they don't have it is ever going to be enough.

!!!!!!

Many of the incorrect things that people routinely say about NPD were things that people once said about autism. I'm thinking in particular about, "If you're worried you have NPD/autism then that means you don't have it."

The implications are different. The assumption with autistic people was that they straight-up didn't have the mental capacity to reflect on whether or not they might have a condition, and with NPD it's more, "Worrying about it would imply concern for others, which they don't have." Though even if you make the assumption that NPD people have zero concern for the impact they have on others (which is an oversimplification), this statement makes no sense. It doesn't require empathy to be worried that you might have an oft-demonized condition. There are entirely selfish reasons to be worried about that.

And in either case, to disprove it all you need are a few diagnosed people saying, "Yes, I did read up on this condition before I was diagnosed and I was in fact worried that I had it." (Though I guess you can resolve this cognitive dissonance in either case just by decided not to believe anything that the diagnosed people say and insisting that they are just repeating words like a parrot.)

But anyway, there's just too much awareness and advocacy now around autism and too many officially diagnosed people talking about the condition for statements like "if you're worried about having autism then you don't" to be taken seriously, and I think we'll eventually see a similar thing happen with NPD.

Statements like these are often meant to reassure scrupulosity-afflicted people who are perpetually haunted by the idea that they have X and that having X would make them a fundamentally unlovable and unworthy and abusive person. But in cases like that, maybe what actually needs to happen is for them to challenge that idea. Because if they still feel that X makes you fundamentally broken, no amount of reassurance that they don't have it is ever going to be enough. Those who worship beauty will always feel ugly, those who worship intelligence will always fear that they are stupid, etc. That worry is always going to come back. Especially if they actually do have X or something in the general vicinity.

Consider, for example, the case of a person with NPD being abused by another person with NPD. Maybe their abuser recognized their symptoms and used those symptoms as a way to gaslight and control them. After that, "if you're worried you have X you don't have X" will be a tremendously reassuring and cathartic thing to hear. "Oh, of course! My abuser was projecting all along. Thank god I am not actually one of those people!"

But of course, if the victim does actually have some of the symptoms associated with the condition they are going to recognize that on some level and be constantly consumed with the need to rationalize those symptoms away. It will never stop. Not until they reject the idea that the symptoms are what make them unworthy.

Of course, symptoms can cause people to behave abusively, but this is true of a very wide range of conditions, even relatively "normal" and destigmatized ones. Real life is full of gray area and complexity, and broad brush statements like "if you're worried you have the thing then you don't have it" just obscure the examination of that complexity.